Hay. Tanga talaga. - Pure Tagalog Entry

Wala na sanang duguin dito. :D

Sa mga taong nagmamalasakit saakin at pumipigil (alam kong para saaking ikabubuti ang pagpigil) na magsend ng message sakanya, ipagpatawad nyo, dahil hindi ko natiis ang sarili ko at sinendan ko siya ng message today. Eto lang naman ang sinend ko: "uh, Hi?" - Parang talaga ako tanga ano? o tanga na talaga. Matagal na! Nabbwisit ako sa sarili ko. Pati narin sa walang kwentang hayop na lalaking pinagsendan ko ng message na yan.

Eto naman ang aking dahilan: Sana ay mainitindihan nyo rin -
Kahapon, at nang makalawa kausap ko ang aking oh so sweet na pinsan, marami akong narealize nung nakausap ko siya, at isa dito ay kung kailan nga ako handang mag "move on" ang aking sagot naman ay "hindi ko alam kung kailan, hindi pa ako ready" ang sagot naman nya ay, "kailan pa? umaasa ka parin" isang malaking OO ang sagot ko sa dahilan na walang CLOSURE saaming dalawa. Basta isang araw tinigilan nalang nya akong sagutin saaking mga mensahe. Ang sabi nila, yun na ang closure. Ibig sabihin iniiwasan ka na nya, ayaw na nya. Hindi parin ako naniwala, sinasabi parin ng puso't isip ko na meron pang pag-asa. Titigil lang ako kung sabihin nya na ayaw nya saakin, pero napagisip isip ko, mahirap sabihin yun ng deretsuhan, kahit ako cguro, mahihirapan. Nang araw na nakausap ko ang aking pinsan, yun din ang araw na nakahagilap ako ng balita tungkol sa aswang na yan. Simula nang tinigilan na nya ako kausapin marami siyang ginawang bago sa buhay nya. Nagbago talaga siya, at kasabay sa pagbabagong iyon, ay ang hindi pagkausap saakin. Tanong ko lang sa sarili ko, kasama ba ako sa mga masamang nakaraan nya? Ano ba talaga ang nagawa ko para ako ay iwanan nalang nya na nakabitin sa ere? O talagang ako ay ginawa nya lang pampalipas oras? Haaay. masakit isipin. Pero kailangang tanggapin. :)

Masaya ako para saknya ngayon dahil nabuhayan ulit siya ng loob. Hindi na siya yung lalaking nakilala ko na may galit at poot sa buong mundo, na kahit paglabas ng bahay ay hindi nya magawa. Nang malaman ko na maganda ang progreso ang takbo ng buhay nya, doon ka biglang naisip na padalahan siya ng mensahe, kung baga, para lang ipaalam na masaya ako sa nangyayari saknya. At siyempre, patalsik na rin na "baka" meron pa ngang pag-asa, so nagtry ako. At meron pa, gusto ko rin patunayan sa sarili ko kung paano ko mattake ang hindi nya pagsagot saakin, bago ko rin sha padalahan ng mensahe, sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na "kapag hindi to nagreply. wala na talaga tatangalin ko na siya sa lahat ng messenger ko" bibigyan ko siya ng isang araw at kung wala. eh di wala. Mabuti narin nang makapagmove on na talaga ako. BOOM. walang sagot. naginhawaan at nadismaya ako. pero hindi ako nasaktan. naginhawaan, kasi gusto ko narin naman mag move on wala lang talaga akong mapanghawakan noon, pero ngayon meron na, madali na para saakin. Nadismaya, kasi normal yun. dahil kahit nga papaano ay umaasa parin ako. Hindi nasaktan, HINDI talaga. wala akong naramdaman na sakit sa hindi malamang dahilan. Aaminin ko hanggang ngayon, naghihintay parin ako. Mabuti narin na ginawa ko ito, dahil makakatulong ito sa pagtanggap ng mga pangyayari. Kung sumagot man siya, HINDI KO ALAM ANG GAGAWIN KO pero 100% sure ako na hindi na sasagot yun. Sabi nga ng pinsan ko, masmadali mag move on kung tatangalin mo lahat ng makakapagpaalala ng tungkol saknya.

Bibigyan ko siya ng hanggang bukas ng umaaga - binibigyan ko din ang sarili ko ng oras para mapaghandaan ang aking sunod na gagawin - ayun ay ang pagtanggal ng lahat ng ala-ala. Kasabay ng pagtatapos ng buwan ng julyo, sana ay matapos narin ang lahat at maging matagumpay ang aking mga naging desisyon.

Sa mga taong walang sawang makinig sa aking mga katangahan at walang sawa sa pagpayo maraming maraming salamat. Alam ko na dapat noon ko pa ito ginawa pero hindi ako nakinig sainyo. Totoo nga, nagiging tanga talaga ang tao pagdating sa pag-ibig.

Siyet. Super emo. Sa tingin ko lang kasi kung hindi ko ito ilalabas maloloka ako. Sa ganitong paraan maeesplika ko nang mabuti at... maiiwasan din ang awards night. (maiiwasan din na mapagalitan.. hehe) Mashado kong ginawang big deal ito! haay. Sawa na ako.

OK LSS naman. Para sakanya to. Phak talaga siya. Grrrrrrr. Salamat din sayo hayop ka.

PS: katangahan nanaman. Hindi naman nya maiintindihan to, kaya naman walang preno ang mga salita ko. Kung mapadaan man siya sa blogelya ko, bahala siyang maghanap ng translator. TAE sha. Phak. hehe :P

Another PS: To my English readers, sorry. I have many reasons why I used my own language. Hope you understand. Cheers :D

The day you wrote this poem

... You made me happy. You made me smile. You made me feel I'm special, a feeling I never had for a long time.

May 18, 2008
Author: undisclosed

Looking at you while you're looking at me,
Wondering what all the things you say you can see,
I wonder what will happen when we will meet,
Whether ill be kneeling and begging at your feet,

The days we have been talking have always been good for me,
You have set some of my demons inside my head free,

I hope the day will come soon,
Then we can lay one night looking at the same moon,

See you soon


July 28, 2008

Author : Roxy

I read this poem you wrote every night holding my pillow tight,

Wishing on the stars for just another sight
thinking of you till the sun shines bright.

Look at me, waiting for you,
this poem you wrote, makes me want to rubble around you too.
Hoping the day would come and meet us two,
it's a dream I would never wake up when I'm with you.

A poem not making any sense,
what I'd do to make a difference?
Now that you're long gone,
everything has been said and done.


For the nose bleed... haha :D

Pinaasa mo lang ako
Kung ano ano pang pinagsasabi mo
puro labas sa ilong at kasinungalingan ang lumalabas sa bibig mo

Para kang insectong hindi mawala sa isip ko
ewan ko ba kung bakit ako nagkakaganito
Pang-ilan na ba ako sa mga nabiktima mo?

Siguro sayang saya ka sa nangyayari saakin
ano bang nagawa ko at ako ay pinarusahan mo ng ganito?
iniwan nalang sa ere at ginawa ang puso kong bato

isa lang ang masasabi ko sayo
isang malaking P H A K
pahabols...
ShukingInamesh kang hayop ka. mawala ka na sana sa isip ko!

hehe.. Ohhhhhh. That felt really good!

Tangkilikin ang sariling wika. I thank you. :D

P E A C E.

Mr. PHAK

Wooot. Ive been busy socializing I totally forgot that I need to do updates! So here it goes:

As Ive mentioned on my recent entries, I had a friend I met on chat who came over to visit me here in Hong Kong, her name is Nicole and she is malaysian-chinese. She is currently staying in Macau for a Summer course until end of July. She came back here last weekend (18th of July) and stayed til 21st. I really had a great time with her last 3 days!!! It feels sooo damn good to have a friend you could talk to and do silly things with. Oh I missed that soo MUCH. Ive been a loner for a long time and I totally forgot how to have fun and be silly again, I never smiled so much since 2 guys broke my fat heart and now, I am in a lighter mood and it feeeeels so good! I am writing this not only for my readers (Naks! may readers pang nalalaman) but for me to have something to look back and read (one of my good memories) in the future. :)


* July 18 Friday Night - The Peak, HK

- Nicole went straight to my place from Macau Ferry (Shuntak Centre) at around 6pm. I was still at work so I asked my Aunt to prepare food for her :) Luckily my aunt cooked Sopas (Filipino Soup with chicken, pasta and Milk) the night before. Surprisingly she ate the Sopas! and she loved it! cooool :) Time was very precious so that night we went to the peak to see the great Hong Kong View (city lights etc etc) with my aunt and cousin. The weather was not so good as it was a bit foggy, but it didnt stop us from taking photos here and there, everywhere :D And finally we got tired of taking photos so we had a snack at Burger King. It didnt end there; we went up the Sky Terrace to see a much better view :) but only we paid $20 each for entrance. Darn. hmp. After all the photo shoots, posing here and there, we took the Peak Tram going down the hill. That was my first time. YEP. First time. haha. Ive been living here for years but I never took that tram. It was nice!<- Check this out! (haha feeling feelinagan na british accennttt damnnnn waaah!)

We went straight to my Uncle's work after peak, (He sings in a bar somewhere in TST, Kowloon) <-Check this link to see him sing, He's my idol. :) So we stayed and waited for him to finish and went home after. That night as we were preparing to sleep, like on skype, we never stopped talking, we talked for like hours and hours until both of us fell asleep, until both of us were snoring our asses off. haha. The first night ends there and I felt tired but I was really happy. :)


* July 19 Saturday - Mang Ambo / Big Buddha in Lantau

- Since I discovered Nicole wasn't picky on foods, I decided to bring her to Mang Ambo's turo turo carinderia in world wide house, We had Egg Pie (from Goldilocks) and the well known Halo-Halo. (
Mix Mix :D , A cold filipino dessert) and I am so glad she liked it ;) no no She loved it! She said its waaay better than what they have in Malaysia :) wooow. Im so proud. haha. Busy eating our Halo-Halo, little did we know time is running so fast and it's almost 4pm! It will take 1.5 hours to get to the Big Buddha! So off we go to Tung chung via MTR - 45 mins journey from Central. Then took the bus from Tung Chung to Ngong Ping. Eventhough we have this new cable car ride straight to Ngong Ping village, Nikki very much preferred to take the bus instead of taking the cable car (which really annoyed me!) I hate long journeys hehe..and besides, the cable car is so convenient plus we could see the views but NO we took the old fashioned way! LOL I think she heard the news before about the new Ngong Ping 360 cable car being stuck for an hour in mid-air. Oh well HAHA I cant blame her and what can I do, she's the visitor :D nothing to do but agree. :D At long last after the oh so long journey to Lantau Island we managed to arrive at around 5pm (Buddha closes at 6 haha.) It was foggy as ever as we were up the Hong Kong Mountains the view was super FANTASTIC, not only the view but the serene ambience gave me a light feeling I never had before. :) It was great. We met my cousin in Causeway Bay afterwards, we had dinner in Korean Barbeque Restaurant. Oh Gosh. Buffet again, indulge ourselves after a 1 hour walk to the buddha LOL. Fooood Again :D We slept early that night as both of us are excited on the big day! Disney day! weee!

* July 20 Sunday - Hong Kong Disneyland - The day I met Mr. Pak

The big day has finally come!! Ok I admit I was really excited! I haven't been to HK disneyland ever. I said to myself before, I would never go there unless I like the person I'm going with and unless I get free passes. So I did get free passes and of course I like the person I'm going with. The reason is because I want my first time to be fun and memorable! Speaking of which, theres a little story while at disney - I met "MR. PAK" who is he?! A stupid fucking moron who just happened to curse me infront of his goddamn kids and infront of hundreds of family. so the story starts; we queued in the line for this cup ride. (you know the cup that goes round and round cant remember what its called LOL) anyway, there was this chinese family infront of us, The usual mum, dad, 2kids. Nicole suddenly went pass through them because she saw the other mainlanders cutting the line. So the "mum" wasn't very happy about what nicole did so they closed the line (Nagvolt-in ba, hawak kamay churvanes damn.) I got annoyed cause it was really packed and we were all squeezed at the back like sardines in a can, so I approached the "mum"in a nice way and said,

Roxy: Excuse me, could you please move forward a little bit... and she started nagging saying The MUM: "Dong cat da line! see, you fren cut it!" (Dont cut the line, see your friend cut it)
Roxy: Fine! Roxy shouting: (Nikki come back here! come back to the line and let these people go first!!!)
The MUM: "you want to cut the line that's why we close da line!" ...and the rest was blah blah blidy blah blah "She just didn't stop nagging"
Roxy: Ok. Stop it! I just want you to move a little forward cause we are so squeezed in here! so just move and stop talking!!
The DAD: it is ok to move a little bit forward..... (I think he said that 3 times in a calm way)
... The "MUM" still went blah blah blah blah blah after several seconds..

Roxy: What the hell is your problem!?!! it's just a fucking line!

So I kind of lost control and blurted out something I wasn't suppose to. :D I admit I was wrong but it just happened and I just got carried away. Truly sorry for saying the F word. :D


As soon as the sentence ended, I heard a loud "PHAK U!" (F**k You) and "Dong mek meh mat" (Don't make me mad) -That was the Huge 6ft hulk-look-alike dad.

...I was stunned. I felt scared. I just looked at him thinking what to do. All the kids and parents was looking at him, I said to myself shit I can't curse him back! I was scared that I might get kicked out from Disneyland! Plus the kids. I don't want to set a bad example! no no no. I just stared at him. NOTHING. I didn't do anything. I wanted to say a lot of nasty things but I just cant. Nikki can't control herself she was laughing her ass off at my back. I am so gonna kill her! imagine I got into a fight because of her!

...This is not going to ruin my day.. this is not going to ruin my day.. stuck in my mind for the rest of my disney day. haaaay.. my oh so memorable disney day. I have nothing to say
. LOL

So there you go. My Day with Mr. PAK other than that I still managed to enjoy myself for the rest of the day. :) Ive totally forgotten all about it after I watched the fireworks, it was just absolutely brilliant. :D

That's about it I guess. haha Nicole left HK the day after, we hugged and said our goodbyes before she left..

Nicole, Thanks for everything too. I am so glad we met, I am looking forward to visiting you in malaysia SOON.

Pahabols: HOY hindi ako lesbian noh. nililiwanag ko lang. uyy defensive. :D Phak U! hehe

Cool Pinoy Blogs - Tagalog Post

Project Lafftrip Laffapalooza

Inimbitahan ako ni lunes na bumoto sa isang blog na may patimpalak (hehe tama ba?) - Ito ay Project lafftrip Laffapalooza (I-click ang link para sumali sa pagboto) Ayon kay Lunes, dapat iboto ang apat na binoto nya. So ang ginawa ko ay sinubaybayan ko ang tatlo at aking napagtanto na bagama't maraming entries sa palagay ko ay karapat dapat nga silang iboto. Mr. D - Sorry hindi kita maboto kasi di ako maka-access sa blog mo. :(

Unang pagboto ko ito so mejo hindi pa ako sanay sa mga terms :)


1.) KokeyMonster - Jusco po rudeh, walastek ah ah eto ang blog na talagang hindi ako pinatigil sa pagtawa! Seriously dude, saang lupalop ka nanggaling? Are you normal? Grabe ang mga terms bakit ganun banong bano ako kahit di ko maintindihan!? haha No. 1 ko ito. :D

2.) Chiksilog - Too good to be true. Yun lang. Wala akong maisip na term para sa blog ni Xienahgirl, Grabe ang takbo ng isip nya hindi ko mahabol. Isa rin sa mga kinababanuan ko netong past few days minsan yun iba kasi pag nagpost ng mahaba, tatamadin ka na, pero dito, grabe hindi ko namamalayan umaga na kakabasa. hehe ay nako sabihin nang exage. :P

3.) Mariano - Etong dude na ito. unbelievable. normally, pag sinabi mong loser ka. eh loser ka, puros kacornihan lang lumalabas sa bibig mo. Puros katangahan ang sinusulat mo, Pero bakit si mariano? Loser na corny pa, pero pag umarangkada na sa blog walang katumbas walastek din! Sana lahat ng loser kapareho nya para everybody happy. :P


4.) Mang BADoy - Haaay. Sana umabot. Isa rin ito sa mga hinahangaan kong blogs. Ito ay karapat dapt ding iboto! :D

Yun pang 5 ko.. ewan, wala nako maisip. hehe.

So eto na, tapos narin. at hindi ako titigil sa pagbabasa ng blog nila! dahil ako ay isang bano. At ang isang bano ay dapat magbasa ng mga nakakabanong blog. Keep it up people!

psst Lunes, lakas mo saakin noh? :P

Cheers

Quick post

First I would like to say, I missed writing in my blog sooooo damn much. =P

Thought I'd make a quick post for my pending invites, exlinks, readers (Naks!) and friends. I have been very busy over the weekends so I havent had the chance to update my blog.

I will also be busy this month as I am about to train the new staff for the office and we are starting our summer sale. I apologize in advance if I won't be able to update as much but I will try.

PS: Eyebags, I am still working on the voting thing. I am carefully observing the 4 blogs... at the moment, so far so good :) So I will let you know if Ive made my decision and will post my vote according to the instructions given in a few days.. Thanks! :)

Batman - The Dark Knight

I know ya'll see this coming. Yes I am going to make a post about a movie again. :P

This month Ive seen 3 Movies - Wanted, Hancock, and lastly Batman - The Dark Knight. BRILLIANT MOVIE.

If I were a movie critic and to rate these three movies, I would say Batman is on the top.



Joker -I chose to put up Joker's (Heath Ledger) Photo out of respect on his tragical death. (May he rest in peace) I have been blown away by his performance in this movie and it is a pity that we have lost one of the amazing actors that showbiz industry could ever have. No one could have ever done this role but him, this is meant for him. 2 Thumbs up to you heath. :)





Favorite Scene - Hong Kong Scene - I am P.R.O.U.D. I have nothing more to say. Hong Kong indeed has the most breath-taking views ever in Asia. I was born here, I live here, I will DIE here. This is how I love Hong Kong.


Story Plot - This movie was not just another normal action movie, although we are all aware that "batman" is based on the comic book super heroes, still they have done an amazing story twist with a little bit of reality in it. One thing I noticed is that they have more dialogues than action which is good because from that it explains everything and you will know the true story behind batman & Gotham city.



Bat Mobile - As with any Batman film, batman's vehicle plays a humungus role in the movie!! The latest Batmobile all sexy function where the old ones were simply comical!!!
one word : AWESOME!!!!






The Dark Knight - and lastly........ The batman himself. HE IS SO FREAKIN HOOOOT. Christian Bale pulled it off very well with his SEXY-HUSKY-TO DROOL OVER-VOICE and his tantalizing body. OH - EHM - GEE !! Though George Clooney did very well in the previous batman movies but I must admit its a pleasure to see a younger one! :P No offense to george he's still hot but he's better off with more matured movies :)



I have always liked batman since I was kid. I have watched all batman movies and this, I must say is the best of all.

I am amazed on how I managed to divert my emotions!!! isn't that great! hehe :P

PLEASE DO WATCH THIS MOVIE...PLEASEEEEE I am begging. haha over. LOL

I miss you

Thought I'd make a quick post. Sorry I can't help it.

I am missing him soooooo MUCH. I saw him online. I thought this was easy, but it's not! I really want to send him a message. I am trying to resist myself and trying to think that If I do send him a message and he ignores me, I will go back to fucking zero again and regret that I sent him a message. So NO. I wont cause I dont want to upset myself. But I am sooo missing him. Really. :(

Anyway.. I am going out to watch a movie. I am taking the 10.20pm slot. Just to stop me from missing him. This is not right. I shouldn't be like this. I need to be stronger. :(

I am writing to keep myself busy until I go out for the movies otherwise I will send him a message. I am not kidding.

So I will just dedicate this song to him. :(

I Miss You - Aaliyah

I miss you


It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
So what am I gonna do, said I’ve been needin’ you,
wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes


I miss you


Off to college, yes, you went away
Straight from high school you up and left me
We were close friends, also lovers
Did everything for one another


Now you’re gone and I’m lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow


Come back to me (To me)
Can you feel me (Callin’)
Hear me callin’ for you (For you)
‘Cause it’s


It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
So what am I gonna do, said I’ve been needin’ you,
wantin’ you (Woo...ooh...ooh...)
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes


Now I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout you
And the days we used to share
It’s drivin’ me crazy, I don’t know what to do
I’m just wonderin’ if you still care


And I wanna let you know that it’s killin’ me
I know you got another life, you gotta concentrate,
baby


Come back to me (To me)
Can you feel me (Callin’)
Hear me callin’ for you (For you)
‘Cause it’s


It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
So what am I gonna do, said I’ve been needin’ you,
wantin’ you (Baby)
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes


I miss you


It’s been too long and I’m lost without you
What am I gonna do, I’ve been needing you, wantin’ you
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes (Yeah)

I miss you

I can’t (I) wait no (No more) more (No)
Since you went away
I don’t really feel like talkin’ (No)
Don’t wanna hear them bug me (No, no)
Tell me do you understand me
I can’t do but be without you


It’s been too long and I’m lost without you (Now tell
what I’m gonna)
What am I gonna do, I’ve been needin’ you, wantin’ you
(Yeah)
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine (Yeah, yeah), I wanna cry
sometimes (Ooh...)

I miss you (Baby)

It’s been too long and I’m lost without you (Oh, no,
no, no)
So what am I gonna do, I’ve been needin’ you, wantin’
you (Whoa)
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
(Hey...)
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes (Oh,
no, baby)


I miss you


It’s been too long (Oh, yeah) and I’m lost without you
So what am I gonna do (No, no) I’ve been needin’ you,
wantin’ you (Baby)
Wonderin’ if you’re the same and who’s been with you
Is your heart still mine, I wanna cry sometimes

Behind Blue Eyes

I used to like this song, probably because he likes it too. But now it's just so depressing and it's tearing my heart apart whenever I hear it. Weird cause I could easily delete it from my play list, but why cant I? I guess it's ok to miss him sometimes, just a little bit...

The thought of him is like a little bug seeping into my mind.

Haay. What to do. What to do. tsk.

Behind Blue Eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man Behind blue eyes
And no one knows What it's like
to be hated To be fated
to telling only lies

[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free


No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

[Chorus]

Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

First Meeting

So we finally met. We clicked on that very moment - No awkwardness. Im glad I finally met her, it's true that you won't know a person until you meet them in person. She is so fun to be with! Weve just been together for a couple of hours and I feel like ive known her long time ago! WEIRD. :)


So we had dinner as planned, The food was good, (Buffet is always good!) :P And we ate like a horse dear god. We had about 2 starters, a huge maincourse, and tons of dessert. (Never ending CHEESECAKE) DARN. So forget about the diet!!! I can do that next week and work my ass off to the gym. For now I will enjoy and have fun with nikki!




Ofcourse a day wouldnt last without pictures! These are just some from my phone the rest are still in nikki's camera. Weeeeee :)

Last Poem - What it means to me

What it means to me

Essentially
To be a part of me,
To Hear and feel me,
To look right through me,
To help and set free, the true person inside me.

Regrettably
I showed a different side,
To be accepted and be liked,
Days, months then years go by,
I have believed my own lies,
Losing the true person inside,
I tried so desperately to hide.

Preferably
This happened to me and you,
To deal with variance issues,
No longer sure who is who
Pessimisms, aggravations,
I'll end it now and start anew.
No Expectations, No asking in return,
No promises, I won’t let this burn,
Unless you want to stop me and make me turn.

Forgivingly
I shared the truth,
I see the person I never knew,
I have high hopes; Try my best to hold on,
To believe dreams can come true,
And now here I stand,
Between us, no pretense or glass
With one last thing I want to see,
You'll never know what it means to me.
________________________
This means nothing now

Visitor

I haven't had any chance to make an entry for the last 3 days as I was busy on some other things (Work) and also.. Blog Hopping :) It's so much fun especially when there are a lot of fascinating things to see/read in a blog! Now it is what I am looking forward to everytime I open my internet browser which is good as this is keepin my mind off things :P My last post was totally not me at all >.< Just kiddin :P. Oh well. It's a now or never thing. NO REGRETS. :)

So anyway, I am so excited because I am finally meeting Nicole! (Nicole - is a friend I met through skype and weve been talking nearly 3 months - she is such a doll!, luv her to bits :*)

At the moment, I feel excited at the same time nervous cause this is my first time to meet someone I just knew online. There are so many things Im worrying about like, is she going to like me? will she be a snob? are we going to have fun? Will I be able to entertain her? a lot more but Im just too lazy to type :p hehe I can't help but to worry. I guess this is normal. All first times makes me nervous and I must say, this is a big deal! So, I hope everything goes well!

I made reservations and we will have dinner buffet in a hotel somewhere in Wanchai tonight wooooohooO! hehe (We both like to eat. so don't laugh, walang diet muna! shet. hehe) then a few drinks. That should be ok I guess :D She will stay at my place, another thing to worry about!!! I live in a shoebox! how the hell can we all fit in our place!?!? My aunt and my cousin are also visiting us from the philippines, plus my Sister and Uncle so we are now 6 including nikki and me. hahaha DARN. I hope its ok. lol we'll see how it goes, I'll post some of our pics when I get the chance!

Chat history

This post has been sitting in my drafts for the last few days and now I think it's about time to publish it. This is one of the main reasons why I started blogging and I hope this is the answer to everyones question - What the hell is she talking about!?

Is it good or bad to delete chat histories? I am obviously not over with this guy I met on the net. But I managed to delete all chat histories. YES, I did it. I know I am not making any sense. I came home early one night from work and logged on to my messenger and noticed there are a lot of contacts that I don't know and don't talk to anymore so I removed them from my contacts list. I saw his name out of the blue and started to think about him again... Sorry but I can't help it.

I browsed through our chat history and read a couple of our conversations a few months ago. I wish I could just bring back time and kept it simple as that way. It was good casual conversations, exchanging good music and we talk about mostly our daily lives, pasts and whatever comes in mind, we talk randomly like what normal people does online - No strings attached, Past time. What differs him from other people I talk to online is that he always makes sense and he listens and pay attention to every bits and pieces and miniscule details I say. I admit there are times that I just talk shit and totally not making any sense at all.


I started chatting online since I was 11 and I never got into deeper conversations like with him EVER. For the first time, I was honest with somebody over the net. He claims he's good in reading minds and with that he never fails to amaze me. He taught me how to loosen up a bit and not to worry about what people say about me. I never thought it's possible for someone to know someone so well even if you haven't met each other in person yet as if soulmates (!), and never had I imagined I would get emotionally attached and fall for someone Ive just talk to on the net in a short span of time.

Was I mislead? NOPE. He had never mislead me. I made wrong assumptions and I am the only one to blame. He was just helping me and he was trying to tell me but I was again in a selective hearing mode desperate to believe in one thing that I know is impossible to happen - LOVE.

Was it love? or... Lust? How can it be love or lust? Love is to get involved mentally, emotionally & physically, and lust is to get involved sexually, but neither of it happened? So how the hell could I answer that? although I have one thing in mind, his life has been in a chaotic situation and there's a little spot in my mind that's telling me to help him and make him happy. So... what is that?

Is he worthy of my help? - I am not sure. I didnt consider myself helpful. Instead I just made things worst for him. He is such an amazing person, very smart and knows his rights. He does complain a lot but he made me realize complaining is not bad after all. It is to prove that everything should be equal and not just let people get away with it. I admire him for his love and dedication to his kids despite the fact that he's going through some difficulties. And I am impressed on how he handle this type of situation. I mean seriously, how could someone handle a situation same as his? Honestly, his life is not what you want to exchange yours with but I find it interesting and it made me think that if there was a slight possibility that I could be a part of it, I would go for it. But I know my limitations and I have no right to expect to be part of his life. Him being a friend to me should have been enough... I just want to make it clear that he has (undisclosed to avoid some things) kids but he is now single. I'm just telling because I don't want people to think that I am a home wrecker or whatever term you can call that. I myself went through that phase. (yep, my parents split up when I was 6 then the story goes on and on..blah blah) I definitely don't have any plans to be a mistress. LOL :P


And then all of these are just one side - My side. I never knew his side cause I chose not to listen, probably afraid to hear the truth. I am not expecting everyone to be happy about my silly acts but I am normal and this is what normal people does. (I think) I admit sometimes I dont think before I act then regret it later on. It's not good but I am trying my best to change. Would you believe I actually told him that I am willing to wait even if it takes forever? I am not joking. This is probably one of the reasons that driven him further away and I lose the friend I need. He was just obviously giving out a helping hand, but I wanted more, more than he was willing to give. And now that he can't provide the help I needed, it stressed him out even more, which I have no intentions to but everything just happened so fast. I crossed a line and took advantage of his good nature.

What do/will I gain on publishing this post? Peace. Explanation. Acceptance of rejection.

...Most importantly CLOSURE. We will see.

Hancock

Another MUST-SEE MOVIE!

- Comedy, Drama, Action & Fantasy all in one!







"Good Job" "ASSHOLE" You'll hear a lot of these words mentioned in this movie. Trust me! you laugh your ass off. LOL Watch it, you'll know what I mean!






Charlize Theron
One word: HOT! - she is so friggin hot in this movie. I didn't like her role as a mum and a housewife it just didnt suit her! accck I really want to reveal something but I can't! so just WATCH THE MOVIE. :)

Hop till you drop

Okay, I must admit now I am so addicted to blog hopping. Thanks to eyebags. :P

I should be sleeping by now, it's nearly 2am (HK Time) and I still have work tomorrow. Im suppose to post about the movie Ive just seen earlier. I just got lazy and my eyes are sooooo tired. Ive just been blog hopping the whole night and I never imagined I'd see lots of interesting blogs!

Anyway, Ive just joined Plurk! it seems cool but I haven't had a good look yet. I will. probably uh, tomorrow, gawd I need to do so many things but Im just stuck with blog hopping!

So.... Hop till you drop! sounds nice hehe

Til my next.

Twitter & My LSS

I just joined twitter and I have no idea how this thing works. I could only think of one person who could tell me how this works and explain it to me very well. But then, why would I ask, I could just simply read. But I don't like reading, I like everything to be explained to me and I must say, that's what he's good at. Here we go again.... grrrr.

What to do? lol. Can't help it!

Anyway...
I'd just stick to MyBlogLog first and focus on there.

Meanwhile, its LSS time! This song was so popular in the philippines I think about 2-3 years ago. The lyrics just came to my mind while I was in the shower and kaboom my LSS. Ive been humming this song for nearly 3 hours now. It's really nice.

I'l definitely add this song to my Ipod again, this song makes me feel good. :)

Rainbow - South Border


Rainbow - Southborder (Filipino Band/Artists)

Fallin' out, fallin' in
Nothing's sure in this world no, no
Breakin' out, breakin' in
Never knowin' what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we never could understand
Why some things begin then just end
We can really never tell it all no, no, no

But oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, just/please smile
Coz im always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies color's
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Ohh, whoa

Hittin' high, hittin' low
Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah
Getting warm, getting cold
Weather could be so good or bad
But baby this is life now don't get mad no, no, no

Coz oh, cant you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, please smile
Coz im always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear coz I know now
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm
Coz you're strong my faith in you is clear
So ill say once again this worlds wonderful and
Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
Ohhhh

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Focus on other things

Guess what? I have written 4 posts already and none of them are published, all saved to drafts.

It's all about him again so I think its not worth publishing it, Im just getting sick of everything about him. hehe sorry.

So I decided to write something that I think is worth publishing. As some may know, I am chubby and I am conscious when it comes to my weight, I sometimes tend to lose my confidence, probably one of the reasons why I don't go out lately and stopped socializing, upon my observations, 80% of the people that lives here in HK are overwhelmingly thin and health conscious. Ive done different kinds of crazy diets and none of them works and everytime I fail I lose more confidence and get depressed. And when Im depressed I do something to make myself feel good. EAT. I can say I am patient, but when it comes to these things, I lose patience and give up easily. I am nearly 5ft. 10", Yes, I am tall for a normal filipina, I consider myself one eventhough I have a bit of spanish and chinese blood running through my veins, anyhow, speaking of height, I get stressed even more when my family and friends say not put my height to waste and have a healthy diet, so I did and I started 3 months ago (should've started ages ago!) and the results are not so bad after all, Im not trying to be a pro on health talks but I just want to share some tips of what Ive been focusing on lately - My healthy diet. It's very simple, If I can do it, so can you. (Blimey, are my marketing skills convincing enough? LOL)

So here it goes:

1.) Fruits, Fruits, Fruits, Fill up on the fruits! - I am a massive snacker, I always eat loads of rubbish in between meals which is undoubtly bad for an office girl like me sitting all day infront of the pc, all those saturated fats from crisps and other junks are all going straight to my belly. Eww! I realized all that when I watched a tv show from BBC lifestyle. Fruit helps with sugar cravings! so when I crave for ice cream or other sweets I snack on prunes, Fat free Good carbs biscuits or keep an apple in my bag. Having snacks are not always bad for your diet, you just need to eat good snacks :)

2.) Ditch the alcohol! - I always enjoy drinking alcohol as I never get drunk! I have no idea why? I get hang over the morning after but I never get drunk, they said my body is immuned on high percentage of alcohol, but on thing Im sure of is its never immuned on high percentage of calories! here is the full explanation on how we can gain weight in drinking alcohol - http://www.second-opinions.co.uk/alcohol.html ALCOHOL -A BIG NO NO >.< when Im out with my friends for some drinks and I dont want them to put pressure on me having an alcoholic drink, I have one that looks similar, hehe Just a tonic water and lemon on the rocks! Looks like gin tonic and tastes a bit like one too, it's a little secret between me and the waiter/bartender :P

3.) Eat more veggies :) - Like fruits, veggies are great to fill myself up so that I'm not tempted to snack on rubbish! but not all veggies are good unfortunately, potatoes, parsnips, peas, sweet corn, and baked beans are BIG NO NO's because they are full of suggies (Sugar) that will turn into fat :)

4.) Water therapy glug glug glug - I always try my best to drink 2 liters of water a day. It flushes out my system and trust me, I feel so much better for it! it sounds like alot, I wont drink 2 liters in one go! ofcourse I divide it into glasses and throughout the day I had 2 liters before I know it.

5.) Seriously, CUT the carbs! - Spaghetti bolognese, Lasagna, White rice, Sandwiches, oh golly, Im drooling over the thought of these foods. I avoid carbs especially after 6pm, it bloats me out and hell I can't work them off. So in the evening, I try to stick to veggies with chicken or fish, or if I'm too lazy to cook, I have myself a bowl of cereals and fat free milk :)

6.) Im not strict ;p - Are you a chocolate lover? Im not, but have you heard of cheese lover? I looooove cheese! all kinds of cheese! blue cheese, cheddar, mozzarella, Brie, goats cheese name it I will eat it! as long as it's cheese hehe :P I allow myself treats every now and again. And I always stick this in my mind, a diet's not supposed to be torture after all! If I fancy ice cream, cheese or a piece of chocolate, I'll have it! it's always ok to ocasionally have something you're craving - that way, I won't feel tempted to go off the rails and binge.

7.) Most important thing to do is.... Exercise :) - Everyone knows that, even a 7 yr old kid knows that! As long as I move and sweat I consider it as an exercise! I'd dabbled with exercise and done bits and pieces of running, playing badminton, walkatons, but I'd never stuck to anything as I get lazy. I joined the gym :) and found myself new friends! Mr. Cross trainer, Mr. Treadmill, and Mr Cycling (I assume guys, lol much fun and to put more determination :P ). As an office girl, I don't have much time to do exercise on day time so I go to the gym on night time and work out 3-4 times a week to get the full benefit, I do still get lazy sometimes so I just go to sauna or steam room for relaxing and to melt a bit of fats away! If you're too embarrased to being all red-faced and sweaty in the gym, I suggest you buy a training dvd and do your exercise in your living room :) Exercise is always good you will enjoy it eventually.

So this is it. My revelation of my not-so-complicated healthy diet I hope this post didnt bore you, but it's worth reading! this goes out to guys as well. For three months, I loss weight and gained confidence and that is all that matters to me. I hope this helps and encourage people like me who lacks confidence in physical appearance. Good luck to me! Happy Dieting! :)

Never ever?

Shockingly today I was so preoccupied with my work and updating things, Ive totally forgotten about him, (Gawd did he cast a spell on me?!) It's a good thing he's far, can't imagine how he'd hurt me if he's just nearby.. acck >.<

I think I am slowly going back to normal again, which I think is good!If Im completely back to the normal me again, I swear I would never ever do this same mistake. I would never ever ever ever tell someone what I really feel unless someone tells me first, I would never ever degrade myself again just to make someone happy, enough worrying about other people, it's time to make myself happy now and I mean it! ....I'm not mad :) Im just saying what I think should be said. I thought it would take me a long time to get over things, but honestly, it has just been 1 week and half and things are going differently upon expectations... I can't say Im totally over, it's just taking some time for me to slowly accept the facts. Oh gawd I can't believe Im saying this, I mean, he doesn't deserve this! it's unfair! ;P

Oh well, I guess for now I have to believe the saying "what goes around comes back around" and I always believe in "karma" not bad karma, but good karma :)

This I will promise myself, if somebody gets really hooked on me, I would never take advantage, and I will let him know right away if I like him or we're better off as friends. I will never ever make him a fool for letting him wait for nothing.

Wish me luck :)

Blog Community - MyBlogLog

I have just joined a blog community... :) I think it's about time to get some readers! LOL at first, I didn't really want anyone to read my blog but I was thinking, why not? If I would want to keep it private why didn't I just write it on a diary?! I must say, this is a very good outlet... and it's therapeutic... :) it helps me get my mind off things and its exciting to know that someone is actually reading your silly rants :P

Today someone sent me a message and I'm like, "Ohmigosh! somebody just sent me a message thru MyBlogLog! woohoo!" LOL that is just so silly but it felt good! I know I'm still a rookie when it comes to blogging, so you may find my posts a bit boring but I will try to improve. :)

Ive also updated myYearBook ( http://www.myyearbook.com/ ) account and it's so cool it's similar to facebook but I don't know why I don't like updating facebook I find it complicated! So this is what's keepin me busy these days and Im enjoying it! I can't believe I abandoned the internet for a week there are just so many exiting things I can do to entertain myself, not just chat with somebody then fall inlove and be crushed! ewww thats just pathetic don't you think?

A proof of desperation. Yuck. LOL.

Till my next post :)

What the fuck have you done lately?


- NOTHING. Im fucked up lately, and it SUCKS!

My memory is still fresh so I really need to post this. I am not mad and definitely not trying to offend anybody by swearing, LOL my title was the last words Wesley gibson (James McAvoy) said after assasinating Sloan (Morgan Freeman) so.. I was just answering the question :)


- THIS IS A MUST SEE MOVIE.


Anyway... I just came back home from watching this absolutely amazing movie! Oh my fucking gosh. (Sorry I can't help it) :D I realized I haven't watched a movie in the cinema for ages! last movie was Harry potter and the order of the phoenix and that was like what, a year ago?!! Gawd, I really enjoyed tonight, I totally forgot how to have fun. Watching this movie tonight is kind of a big thing for me :) I was hyper the whole time we were at the cinema (I still think I am and it's nearly 4 in the morning!) Ive got photos to prove it! haha (I still need to transfer photos from my camera to my pc, so I'll post it some other time :P)


So yeah, This movie hit my damaged brain in some way and I dont have a slightest idea how and why? Im pretty sure this is not a coincidence, this is a sign! Im meant to watch this movie to realize things! btw, I did. When they showed the trailer of this movie on tv, I said to myself out of no where "I am going to watch this" funny cause Ive totally forgotten about this movie when my sister sent me a text message asking if I wanted to come and see the movie with them. Ofcourse I said yes, I mean DOH. *Do something different for once in a while! So I did watch the movie with them and should I say this the second time, I really enjoyed it! If I was just pretending to be happy, I could say, WOW I'm good. One thing Im not good at is pretending that I'm not thinking about him, honestly, I'd make a complete idiot out of myself if I said "Oh, Ive totally forgotten about him" or.. "oh! just one click and he's out of my mind" or.. "nah, Im not thinking about him!" That is just fuck shit. Ofcourse Ive been thinking about him and that is normal! I will think about him as long as I want and I will stop if I want to. From now on, I will do anything I want and not let this stupid feelings affect or completely stop me from doing my usual things.
At first, I thought, I was waiting for him... but I wasn't really waiting for him... I was just in desperate need of attention.. I was waiting for him to end this and not just run away or ignore me. I feel like he left me hanging for a while there, If I didn't make the fookin move, If I kept my own beliefs, I would probably still be hoping and waiting for nothing. He knew I have made assumptions, If he just told me right away "Stop, dont do this, get over it move on and find somebody who you could be obsessed with" then I wouldnt upset myself too much would I?!? So now, Ive finally found the closure. Im not going to tell how and why. For now, I am not saying goodbye yet, Im not letting go yet, I wont give up yet, I will still be here, but when the time finally comes. Oh well, sorry to say, it's not my loss, it's YOURS.
So the next question is... What the fuck will you do next!?
- Haveeeeeee Fun!!!! :)
I am looking forward to for the next couple of days...
- Nicoles weekend visits (she's in Macau at the mo)
- Disneyland! :)
- Kung fu Panda!
- Akon concert :) (not yet sure)
- Clubbing!
- karaoke!
...and I hope more to come! :)
- R