Happy Hearts Day :)

Something startled me when I came in the office. HAHA. Ok so yeah someone gave this Play Boy Underwear to me as a valentine gift, left it on my desk and showed the whole world. LOL I still have no idea who gave this to me, and whoever it is, THANK YOU! I’m definitely gonna wear this tonight… *GRIN* LOL ok just teasing.

Well today is a bit calm..  I’m going to work my ass off and finish off some things this is my only opportunity since my bosses are not around to harass me.

I know! I know its valentines day. Valentines day is special when you have someone special. I don’t have anyone special so there is no point for me to treat this day special. :)

I don't even have any plans tonight and mind you, I don’t feel sorry for myself! :) I’m just going straight home continue hauling my stuff here and there and move my furniture, do laundry. Oh yes. I am feeling a bit domesticated. I guess its normal to feel this way now that I’m living alone.

Despite me needing to cut back on my spending because I have to pay bills by myself now, I actually enjoy living alone. for the first time in my life I am actually independent. I can run around naked in the house.. hehe :D well since it’s valentines I can be a naughty girl.

I’m obviously running out of things to write so this will be quick. Happy Valentines everyone!

I love you all. <3

Then they went Blah.

And I'm writing.. yet again, another everyday-nonsense-ramblings.

Some guys are born to be good in fooling around with women. :) Hi guys love you all. :D

I always wonder how to know when a guy really means the things he says. I’m not afraid to admit I have never had a serious relationship in my 22 years of existence and with that I never knew how to trust a guy nor to love one... I trusted a guy once and see what happened.I’m not closing my doors but one thing I learned from the whole process of love-hurt internet relationship is you could never trust guys with pure intentions. Whatever they say or do, It has always something to do with SEX.  

Dogs. Assholes. Pigs. *Wide Grin* Anyway, it’s TRUE. Even guys themselves admits they are perverts, horny and can never last a day without thinking about sex. So why worry? *Grin*

I just wanted to vent. I'm really sick of the guys who I talk to online and just plainly talks shit.  Make you believe you both have this “special connection” or lure you to things he says like “Oh I will never leave you like the way he did” “I will be your friend no matter what” and soon after that sentence “but could you go topless on cam for me?” Oh yeah boy, how bout a round of applause, standing ovation..lalalala.

And then when you turn them down, that's where they start to ignore you, go invisible, turn cold you know shit like that. It’s funny how guys can get. Funny they would say or do just to get what they want.

I just wanted to meet friends not have some kind of a cyber-sex-relationship! This is absolutely outrageous!

I always liked meeting different kinds of people from all over the world. With internet, blogs, and social networking sites makes it possible for me. But now I’m thinking I’ve become  dependent on it that I totally forgot we still have a so called “real world” out there, where you could touch, feel, and see how people are.

… or am I just taking this too serious?

But if its hurting me and making me feel disrespected should I not let go of it?

I thought maybe there is someone out there who’s different. But I guess I’m wrong.. They’re all the SAME.

…I don’t want to be a man-hater.. But at this point I think I am. So much for internet love eh?

He’s Back!

And I’m back to writing again. :)

This is my first take on writing a serious post after a few months… wow! I really missed writing! (Plastic –,-) LOL. Ok  I was lazy! It’s either I was busy with my social life or busy with other personal things. I'm busy with both and I’m happy my life is getting pretty much exciting in some way. Let’s just say I am being optimistic and appreciative this year. Life is beautiful… and so am I. :)

I don’t really know where to start so I will write whatever comes in mind. This might be a long post so bare with me, after all, this is my blog so I can write whatever I want. :)

As many of people know, I started blogging about a year ago because of some fucked up guy (and I mean he’s literally fucked up with all his trial and stuff) I met online who literally broke my heart. The whole fucking year it was all about him, to think I haven’t met him in person and yes he was just an average western guy who battles here and there for the custody of his kids. Thinking I could be his savior from this crap going on with him. Yep I’m crazy, I’m aware of that. Anyway, as I was browsing through my past posts  I couldn’t stop laughing at myself! I don’t know how many times I said “what the fuck” and “OMG, I said that!?” while reading. I just realized how crazy I was! Funny how love works eh? O.o

So 1 night I came home and of course do usual things --turn on pc, check emails etc etc… Finally after 8 long months, after ignoring me for how many months, after writing a lot of crazy things about him on my blog, after completely ignoring the cards I've sent and messages to his messenger, after flushing him out of my system, after getting OVER HIM, I received an email from him saying sorry and all that shitty “I would love to be able to talk to you again”. Please. O.o and yeah being a soft heart as I am, I told him to piss off and fuck his own cock. LOL, Of course I’m kidding. and said.. I quote “At this stage, I'd say it would be better to just let go of things, forget about the past and move on. Its all good now. ;)”

I thought I would never get over him… But yeah, I naturally did. I guess I just got tired of waiting. I am communicating with him now not because I want him back… To set the record straight, I am not and will never fall in love with him again. This I am sure of because I know myself. Once is enough. At this stage, I will be a friend because that is what he is to me. He did apologize and that’s what matters most. There is no point of being bitter and ignore him for the rest of my life because that is just NOT ME.

What happened between us had changed my life in so many ways… Or because I was a late bloomer and it was just a coincidence that things didn’t come out the way it’s suppose to be. He had issues, I had issues but despite of it all I never stopped believing things happens for a reason. I’m confident to say my way of thinking had stepped to the next level maturity wise. The thing between us wasn’t really that big deal when you come to think of it but for me it was. I get far too close to him. I was hurt. I was rejected. And I don’t want that to happen again.  So this time, I am cautious and I always make sure I don't get too attached to a person easily, because I know, I would end up hurting myself again.

At the moment, I am enjoying life. Im going out a lot and exploring things as much as I can. I don’t have anyone special but I met a lot of people online and through common friends these past few months. I’m happy and I hope I’d be able to keep this way. So.. Stalkers! You are very welcome! LOL

 

Till my next.

Rehab

 

Baby baby
When we first met I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock that spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
And now I feel like....oh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
And baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when you're loveswept
You'd do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
I gotta go, I gotta win myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame
'Cause now I feel like....oh!

You're the reason why I'm thinking I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

Oh! You're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke on these cigarettes no more
I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking
Should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
'Cause now I'm using like I bleed

Rehab.wma - Rihanna