Papers

 

America-words-artproject2010 USCIS_logo-resized-600.jpg

29Sept2010

I have been stressing a lot just about everything ever since… I don’t know when. For me stress is like a daily basis stress and worry  about one thing to another. It’s weird but sometimes it makes me better (?)

About a week ago I sent my green card application to the US immigration services. I spent the whole week worried if they actually got it or started processing it? I did not hear anything from the USCIS until yesterday…

Apparently, the forms were not properly signed so the immigration had to send the entire package back to our house again. After all of my hard work putting every document required together… I was back to square 1. I knew something was wrong because if all was well we will hear from the immigration 2 or 3 days after receiving the application. It was a dreadful moment when I saw the rejection notices.

Anyway, I re-did the entire application and sent it off today. I checked everything over 5 times but still I’m not sure if I did it right. I know this is a normal reaction after sending the package and I also know that I am over-stressing about it. Buy hey! it doesn’t hurt to worry about things! It starts with being denied, being deported then I have to leave the country and my husband and then we would not see each other for so long then we will fall out of love then we will have a divorce then I will be miserable all my life then I will hate America then I will be lonely again.

I KNOW! that’s how far my mind goes. It’s just absolutely dreadful. I just hope everything goes well and that Me and My husband doesn’t need to be parted again. Also, it would be really nice to settle here and start our lives in a clean slate.

These are just one of the worries I actually wrote but there are million things that is on my mind right now that I am forgetting to worry about. Yes I do forget worrying about things, then if I do remember, I will worry until I forget again. I am a freak of worrying!

I know I am not making any sense right now. Don’t mind me though. This is normal, and you will see a lot of this posts in the future. I admit I am so nega about things but for me, its always better to think about the worst case scenario, that way I am prepared… But then you can never be prepared because you can’t tell what will happen in the future. OMG i have to stop.

My Husband bought me a bookmark saying “Keep calm and Carry on” as he always says… Everything will be all right and that I have to quit stressing and worrying about things. If it happens, it happens. I am thankful for having someone put up with my negativeness(?) does that word even exists in the dctionary?!. lol. Damn.

~Spero Melior ~

~ I hope for better things ~

Marriage

27Sept2010

All these years all I know is that marriage is the worse thing that could happen in your life – So I’ve been told, not only that, it is also based on my Mom’s, My Dad’s, My Sister’s and other people’s marriage failures.

My sister told me once that getting married is not the solution for everything, Getting married will ruin your life. MY Ex-boss told me once that IF you get married and you realize he’s not the “one” you will regret it and it’s worse because once you get a divorce – it will still be in the records, it will never erase everything.

My Sister was married twice. My ex-boss has never been married. My dad is a playboy. So either way, everywhere I go, every person I ask for advice, is basically saying that once you get married no matter what the circumstances are, You’re fucked.

Still it didn’t stop me. I got married in February. I realized that what these people that are saying that Marriage is not a good thing has a different meaning. What they meant was the person you are marrying is not worth it. He’s not rich, He’s an asshole and you deserve someone more than that, You can do better.

This is one of the reason why I left home. Nobody would talk to me because everyone thinks I made the wrong choice.

For now, the decision of leaving kept me from my family that are causing hatred, depression, anxiety. I may seem to be really bad for choosing to be with my Husband and his family. I had to put it this way… They left me first. They weren’t there when I needed them. All they did was treat me like shit. All they did was ignore me and my Husband. We were invisible, I was as if never existed in the family. One of my Aunt’s deleted me from facebook saying that I am so desperate and pathetic (For lying about my Marriage) I did lie about it. Only because everyone was against it. But I don’t need people telling me what to do. I am 23, I am an adult and I can do whatever I want with my life.

I was also brought up with a huge family, and knowing that I got their back no matter what happens… BUT I guess I’m wrong.

On the bright side, I gained a family that loves me and cares for me. My husband, my inlaws, and his brothers. So I am still grateful.

P1000365

This is my Hubby and Me. Taken when we visited the Philippines a few days after we got married. My family made us sleep in a separate room not knowing we were already married. It’s only the beginning of our endless battle with my family.

Yes we have our problems. Yes we have different cultures. Yes we have a 7 year age difference. Yes we are so opposite. Yes we always fight sometimes that we don’t even know what were fighting about. Yes I’m childish. Yes He’s an asshole. WE ARE HELPING EACH OTHER BY WORKING THINGS OUT. We love each other and that’s all that matters.

I love my husband, he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. SO GET OVER IT. :)