Him

I haven't had fun in 2 months. When I finally went out last night to have dinner and few drinks, someone called me which I do not know who? But Im definitely sure its from skype. The thing about call forwarding to my mobile is the caller appears "witheld" so it sucks that I dont know who's calling. So anyway, I'm thinking its him. I have a feeling its him. I cant hear anything from the other line but I have a feeling its really him, I just hung up cause theres no point of saying hello a hundred times. But then this kept me up all night. I feel its him but I dont want to think its him cause I dont want to upset myself. I haven't been online for a week now cause it made me more upset when I see him online, then I send him messages but ignores me completely. Im aware of this and its just taking me time to get used to like this, I mean its perfectly fine if sometimes you just dont feel like talking to someone, I do that too.

So after dinner, we had a couple of drinks... we went to this place called "spicy fingers" (a bar in Wan chai, HK) The band was about to start and everything is going very well ordering drinks, chatting, meeting new people... They started with this song. The song that reminds me of him. The song that (I think) made us both realized we were falling for each other. or.. what made ME realize Im falling for him. So, was that a sign? or just a coincidence? A phone call from someone and the song. Whatever. It's just driving me nuts. I took a video and its up to you to figure out the title of the song.



That's just great, when you want to have fun, these things come unexpectedly and just spoils what I have been trying to keep up. Its not that I don't want to talk to him, god knows how I miss talking to him, but the big question is, does he still want to talk to me?

I am not mad at him (and will never be) I am just giving him time and space and letting him do whatever he wants. I don't want him to get stressed because of me, I want to help him but because of my selfishness, I am being one of his burdens and that is totally NOT helping him.

So this is the first time Ive posted something about him (I dont need to mention a name due to some circumstances).

I want to say thanks to the people who has been listening to my never ending story about him. This is really affecting me and I understand they sometimes get annoyed with me. I remember my sister saying "Come on, stop thinking about yourself! if you really care for him, you should not be thinking about yourself! What he's going through is not a joke and that he should focus on serious matters. he's the one who needs help, NOT YOU."

She's right and Im doing this to myself because I deserve this....

So Im going to end this post now and I hope this will be the first and last upsetting post about him. I feel a bit better now as Ive gotten this all out. I will try to live a normal life and at the same time be strong to hold on to everything and wait for better things to happen. As Ive said to him, I will not lose him and he will not lose me, I am willing to wait, even if it takes forever. :)

.........~ Spero Melior.... ~ I hope for better things...