Ugh Corny.

 

  • Roxy : Hello?
  • Filipino Guy : Hello, magandang hapon, busy ka? (Hello, Good afternoon, are you busy?)
  • Roxy : Hindi naman masyado, Bakit? Sino to? (Not really, Why? Who's this?)
  • Filipino Guy : Ah, gusto ko lang sana makipag-kaibigan (Oh, I just wanted to make friends)
  • Roxy : (Rolling eyes) Saan mo nakuha ang number ko? (Where did you get my number?)
  • Filipino Guy : Ah, Dial dial lang, Pede makipag-kaibigan? ( Just random dialing, can we be friends?)
  • Roxy : Sorry ha, hindi ako nakikipag-kaibigan sa mga nagddial dial lang. (Sorry, I don't make friends with people who does random dialing.)
  • Filipino Guy : Ah ganun, nakuha ko number mo sa mga kaibigan ko. (I see, I got your number from my friends)
  • Roxy : (Still rolling her eyes) Sinong "MGA" kaibigan mo yun? (From which friend then?)
  • Filipino Guy : Ah, nakalimutan ko na eh... (I forgot...)
  • Roxy : Sorry ha, kung nakalimutan mo, sorry Busy ako, nasa work kasi ako eh, Sorry. (Oh, Sorry if you forgot, I'm sorry, I'm busy, I'm at work.)
  • Filipino Guy : Bakit naman? Makikipagkaibigan lang eh. (Why? I just want to be friends with you)
  • Roxy : (Walang tigil ang pag-ikot ng mata) Sorry ha, busy talaga ako. Walang oras makipaglokohan, Hanap ka nalang ng ibang matatawagan. (Non-stop eyes rolling) (I'm sorry, I'm really busy, no time to fool around. find someone else.)

Im not a snob or anything but this guy really annoyed me today. This filp filipino guy who doesn't even have the balls to introduce himself properly.  I was thinking of entertaining the call at first, you know, just for fun, but I just got annoyed by the fact that he was using private number and not even telling me where the fuck did he get my number from. I mean, he's just ugh, CORNY.

Close in feeling

 

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

FINE. :)

This too, shall pass.

heart 

 

I'm ready.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to me :) - Guest Post: Rafaelle

 

So yeah, it's my 21st birthday and it's time for show off :) I thought since it's my birthday, I'd rest on writing/updating first. I'm very happy to introduce a guest post from my one and only super duper close friend for nearly 12 years now - Rafaelle.

 

bdaycake 

So here is my first take on writing this long post for my one and only Roxy. Of course, as much as I try to be perfect on everything that I do ( Yes, I am OC like that and I could care less about what anyone thinks at this point) I make despisable errors sometimes. But enough about me, this is about Roxy. I do not want to write something that is filled with cliché’s all throughout this whole process of making Roxy happy (she asked me to write this because it will make her happy), so being the good friend that I am, I want almost everything here to be about her -- notice the "almost" meaning that I will still battle for some attention here and there. This is probably the only time that I will write something on a blog. I am never the blog writer like many of you who are reading this, so I do not really know exactly how I should start this guest post, but since Roxy said to me that I should just write whatever is in my heart at the moment, then I will write whatever it is that I have at this time.

I have not seen Roxy in over five years, but we have been friends since 5th grade, so it all started when we were 9 or 10 years old. And over the course of time things just evolved into a great friendship that has a dynamic relationship -- which is insurmountable by anything else that I personally had. We have this form of communication that I know I have never had with anyone else, even with some of my so-called "friends." This form of communication that I am referring is based on the conversations that we have every time we speak with each other on any given occasion. We talk about a lot of things that I would not like to delve into, because only her and I could understand them. Maybe if you become one of our friends then you would have a hint or some kind of idea on just how much me and Roxy have fun in our own small or big ways by just talking and keeping each other company. I have observed and now actually just comprehending the fact that Roxy and I have had friends that became parts of our lives for a few years, and mind you, they have only been around for just a matter of time. I would not name names because it would not be fair to them, and I kind of also would like to keep this post diplomatic. However, this will be a long post so we will see how far it gets me from being diplomatic to just plain old blunt. This is only a warm up, just to get you bloggers (I just realized I may have used the proper term to describe you) interested, or not, whichever I really do not have any description for it. This is for Roxy anyway, so as long as I keep this post interesting and substantial for her, I'm all set. :)

Going back to saying why I am writing this "guest post" is because Roxy, again, have sugarcoated a lot of the things she said to me just so I would write this. It worked. I am now on my third paragraph, hurray! Man, how long does this post have to be? You know, it is a lot of pressure if you think of it. So basically I am just babbling about how everything came about for me to write this post, but I assure you, the best is yet to come (or something). Roxy, you know that I only write long letters when I know or have an idea that only one person or two will be reading them, not when it is for everyone in the world to see. Just so we are all clear, when I am referring to you bloggers, I do not mean any harm. I like bloggers, I think you guys can change the course of history for the better. I raise a glass to you.

Ok, Roxy, Roxy, Roxy, what the hell am I doing here? I really do not know how I am supposed to express myself here -- how candid I should be and/or how authentic this post should be. But in all cases, here is a toast to you, for being the person that is you. For making many people that have had the chance to be in your presence learn how great of a person you are. I do not think people really know how genuine a day become when you are around. Roxy is a type of person that really care about the people that she adores and love (could be temporarily or permanent) so she always makes every minute, hour, or day somewhat interesting and something that you would think is not wasted. I remember during High School, our rebellious years where we would just cut class and spend the afternoon at my house (literally 40 steps away from our school so it is very convenient and smart) and just do things that are merely academic. Nonetheless, I would not say it was unproductive because this was the time where we were just carefree, testing the waters (muddy or clear if you know what I mean), and identifying with everything that surrounded us whether it is family, friends, and philanthropic work. Yes, I consider lending money to the ones that needed it for the consumption of goods as a noble work during that time -- and maybe this time too, who knows? So this one time that I think, if I could remember correctly, I was on the phone in our living room and Roxy was sitting on the floor (the Indian seat) and I was eating some pan cakes, with Roxy being the food lover that she is, and me being the greedy-when-it-comes-to-food-with-Roxy that I am, I would not share it with her. So here I go forking the last piece of the pancake with a few inches away from my mouth and out came what seemed like the character flash with a hand so quick grabbed the pancake in one svelte move and shoved it in her mouth. I remember biting air and how delicious it was that it almost chipped my front tooth. I am not kidding. Of course, we laughed it off and did my complaining about how I wanted that last piece of pancake so bad, but then Roxy would just look at you and smile and laugh. So that was just one moment that I am pretty sure Roxy still remembers. We even talked about in our conversations just to think about those good times. Ok, I guess I am now getting the hang of this whole guest post writing, so maybe I will share another story that every time I think about it, it never fails to put a smile on my face. This was freshmen year of High School in the Philippines, it was the afternoon classes, and this was the year when hand sanitizers were just becoming popular, the alco-gels and the like. So I remember a classmate of ours brought a small bottle of VitaSoft Hand Sanitizer w/ Fragrance. I asked for a test and put a small amount on my hand, Of course I smelled it and even the rest all over my hands. Now Roxy came over and said "Huy, ano yan!? Patingin naman"(What’s that? Can I see?) So our classmate put some on Roxy's hand. I noticed that she had a lot on her hand, then she smelled it as usual, so me being in front of Roxy, and me, being the playful person that I am, hit the back of her hand where she had the VitaSoft Alco-Gel. At this point, I did not know what happened with the alco-gel, if Roxy had accidentally snorted some of them or it had went to her mouth because Roxy kept her hand on her face, well, her nose and mouth were covered. Then she took her hand off and her was face so red, so I chuckled, and then I think I ran and Roxy chased me while blurting obscene words. Here, let me visualize it for you, I was running out of the classroom and roxy was chasing me cursing the words "Putangina mo!" (You son of a bitch!) Wow, that was so funny. I think we were 11 years old during that time right Roxy? It was during our 1st year of High School. That was a lot of fun. I remember during that time when I would not come to school in the morning and just show up in the afternoon or not even show up to school at all, I would get a phone call from this PT&T phone booth in school and I would instantly know who it is, Roxy would just tell me "Lanz! Pupunta ako jan!"(Lanz! I will go there!) and she would just come over to my house, it would be around 10AM during recess time and she would just not come back to school after that. She would then see me at my house watching TV in my parents room that became my room, and with the PC left on, and the AC turned on as well. She was in heaven because that is basically what she came over to my house for; if the AC was turned off Roxy would then say "Huy, buksan naman natin yung aircon." (Hey, let's turn on the AC) And of course, she does not wait for my approval; she would just reach for it and turn it to the coldest temperature. We would just stay in my house for the rest of the day, the normal routine would be me sleeping in the afternoon (Man, what a mess of a child I was back then) and she would be on the internet surfing or playing the Sims game on my PC, we have this cheer when we're playing the Sims or anything referring to the Sims game, we would go " one, two, three, the Sims!" Man, that was so funny, and if you are interested to know, it is not yelled normally, we enunciate these words in a way that is ours. So when evening comes that's when she would still stay at my house but leave late when the coast is clear. She would even have an accomplice to bring her book bag to my house in the afternoon when school was over. I would come up with brilliant ideas like that being the mastermind and Roxy being my partner in crime. Everything was a blast and a half whenever Roxy and me are together. She loves the song “Crave” by Marc Dorsey, so we came up, well, I came up with the subject on our emails one time with this word “Ichurlovdetaistylcreifv,”(It’s your love that I still crave) because this was part of the song that had seven words that when put together in one word, this is what it would be spelled and sound like.

What else do I remember that is worth sharing to the world? Hmm... You see, I do not know how I will be conveyed after I finish this post, but feel free to share your thoughts with Roxy. It's all good. I know she will communicate this with me. Maybe you would like to become our friend, meaning, you can fill in with those people that became our gimik buddies, but then later on would be replaced by someone else. I would say that a person is lucky if they stick around and just be our friend. Roxy and I have the same personality, I think we are the type-C personalities where we are a combination of the type-A and the type-B, it is a good balance if you think of it. People come and go into our lives, she has her friends, and I have mine but we have this friendship that an individual or a group would like to join. I do not really want to tooth my own horn here, but I have to admit, all the things that Roxy and I do are so cool that an outsider would want to join the fun with us. It just seemed that when we are together possibilities are endless, fun times are endless, a great roller coaster ride for the ages is always ready, and things are just better. It is always nice to share goals, accomplishments, dreams with someone that you know will be there to support you, and by "supporting" you, meaning telling you the truth whether it be in the category of rash decision making or a brilliant idea -- honesty was always there. And with that, this means that our personalities also clash, so it is not always just good things and having a fun time with one another. Roxy and I also fight, but now that I am just thinking of it, our fights never last very long. And usually our fights were based on petty and superficial things that if brought up today would not even be an issue anymore, just to give you an example, one fight would be if she does not do what I ask (Ok, maybe that's a pretty harsh description of it) but mainly if she doesn't believe in what I say. Wow! Ok, this post is becoming somewhat of a therapy for me now, a revelation perhaps? I am getting a sense that I am learning about myself throughout this whole process as well. Ok, so maybe I was an evil kid back in the day, I am not so much of an evil kid now. I just now realize that Roxy truly is a great person because it actually took me a minute or two to write and think of something that she had done that we had an argument about, and all I could think about is because I always want to get my way. Hmmm... That’s pretty interesting. Ok bloggers, time for an intermission, I am going to start rambling again about how this is my first post and that I am an amateur blogger. Maybe you noticed that I start writing "hmmm..." now and maybe that's a good sign that I am starting to get a little bit comfortable with this. I kind of had to push myself to do this because I promised Roxy that I would write her this for her birthday. Earlier I felt like this post was homework from school so I was slacking off for a bit. But hey, I got to this point so there's no turning back now. Ok, bloggers, so here is another round of what is going on in my mind at this point.

Here is an email from Roxy from 2002, I was already living far far from the Philippines and this is the kind of email that Roxy would send me; this should set the tone on how much we understand each other:

Monday, April 1, 2002 1:35 AM From:Roxy@Roxy.com To:Rafaelle@rafaelle.com

Subject: Tanginamo!!!

hoy,!!!!

tang ina mo!!!! at ano nanamang katangahan sa buhay ang ginagawa mo at hindi ka man lang natawag sakin!!!???? ha?! anong problema mo!!!!!???? mas nakuha mo pang tawagan si ******!!!???? BAHALA KA NGA!!!!! BAHALA KA SA BUHAY MO.........

(Translation: Motherfucker! What is this stupidity that you're doing in your life that you are not calling me???? Huh?! What is your problem!!!!??? You would much rather call *******!!!??? Do whatever you want!! Do whatever you want in your life.....<There's more but this should be enough>)

(Roxy : Oh my god! Who is that I’m getting jealous about!?)

So there you go, that should set the mood. That's just one example; of course, I would not want to post our correspondence with each other here because there are a lot of things on our emails that only her and I would understand. Because clearly, if you were an outsider, which technically you are, you would have your pre-conceived notion about how we are. Well, if you're interested, again, just talk to Roxy I guess.

Oh! I remember the time when we went to Alabang. We were sophomores in High School and 12 at the time. Now, mind you, it is a big deal just going to Sta. Rosa (a city in Laguna which is an hour away from San Pablo) but going to Alabang at our age? Man, we were trendsetters. We are pioneers at our school when it comes to going to places that not any of our schoolmates have ever been before, so when we actually see some of our schoolmates going to these places, we just stop going there and just venture out on other places because that, to us, is an indication that it has become mainstream and have lost its exclusivity (Yep, sorry mga jologs! lol). So going back to my story of our trip to Alabang, I borrowed my Dad's car and we had the driver drive us anywhere we wanted to go. I am just now recollecting some of the things we did there. We went to the Festival Mall and afterwards, at the Alabang Town Center. I am trying to remember what we did there, but all I can remember was our way back to San Pablo, we stopped by at Treats in Petron at the South Expressway (which I recently found out is no longer around, other establishments have now followed the trend) and just hung out there for a bit, we talked we laughed, we chilled, and we ate a lot. One of our buddies said a joke about the juice that he was drinking, it was Plus+ King size orange juice (Like Zesto for any of you who knows) and we just laughed. It was funny, and yes, Roxy was eating. We had such a great time, I think we got home at a decent time a little bit after 12, but hey, that was a decent time for us. Everything back in those days just leaves a mark to my core that I will always cherish. Those were the good old days, but it is not the end of the good times. If you noticed, I've only described these incidences as "good," meaning the great times are yet to come! I am so looking forward to that because I know that it is not just going to places by land anymore with us this time. We are going to places by air. This is one of those things that Roxy and I share, we love travelling and seeing the world, learning about different cultures and cavorting different values. Again, just so we're clear, we are well-mannered people when we have to be, just not with each other, and I think you can only have that characteristic with someone when they are your true friend; that is what I found in Roxy. She truly is a great friend no doubt about it.

One post is not enough to depict and celebrate Roxy on her 21st birthday. I wish that I could be there with her celebrating and toasting for a new chapter in her life, and in our lives altogether. These are the chapters in our lives where we are now becoming contributors to society. Her generosity and kindness are often mistaken as weakness, but rest assured she is the most authentic and warm-hearted person that I know. We have evolved from being the easy-go-lucky-smart-slackers in High School solely dependent on our parent’s income to the well-mannered, well-educated, easy-go-lucky-smart-professionals solely dependent on our own income. It truly is amazing how far we have become, but Roxy and I know that we are only getting started, because having goals and dreams, for us at least, knows when to act to make it the proper and right time. Roxanne, thanks for being the most genuine person that you are, you are loved by many including me, especially, because you have contributed major things in my life that helped establish where I am today. Happy Birthday.

Rafaelle

Oh yeah, its about you again, what's new?

rolling-eyes-icon-picks-1085394_133_133

I admit I have been very neglectful on my blogging duties. Something is stopping me from updating my blog I've so much to tell but every time I attempt to make an entry, I can't help but think of him. (I know, here I go again). So I chose to stop writing for a while. Maybe this is the reason why I haven't really gotten over him. It's because every time I write, everything I do, its always about him. No matter how hard I try to get rid of these thoughts about him, nothing happens. I know I am getting very boring on this never ending subject, but I would still write about it as this is what's in my heart. This is my blog, so I don't care if people won't like what I write.

Just to make things clear, I'm not busy, I just need some time and rest on this whole blogging thing. Maybe if I stop for a while, I would be able to get over him and move on completely with my life. Besides, he's the reason why I started blogging, so I think this would be a nice Idea and thought I'd give it a try. I don't want to write and pretend I'm ok and moving on. Because I'm obviously not. I still think about him, I dream about him, I imagine things about him (not sexual silly you), I miss him, I want him, I need him, ok I seem a little bit desperate and exaggerated but yeah it's a bit true. I am still waiting for him, I still get jealous of the fact that he's still inlove with his ex, I get jealous whenever I think about the internet love affair he had with that other filipina (that was before me, I think I was the reason why he stopped talkin to her or he just got scared cause she wanted him to marry her for a visa or sumfin) She's been bitching alot about me, how I was being a slut and all that) ok that's another story, I still think I would still meet him when I go and visit his country, I still think... I still think... I still think... I still think. He is still making me crazy up to this moment. I'm crazy about him and I don't fucking know why. I am so fucking mad at him for doing this to me. I am so fucking pissed on everything that has happened between us, all the conversations we had I admit it has been really good but I so fucking hate when I remember it. And the looks he had given me, you! yeah you! don't fucking tell me that wasn't something. I know it's something when you were looking at me that way. I am so sure there was something inside those pretty green/blue (?) eyes and Im not sure whether you felt something for me or you just felt something arising from down there because I turn you on (yeah it took me so long to believe that I actually turn you on) UGH. MEN.

...I miss you, you fuckin moron.

/off-topic

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I'm crazy about this new telenovela from ABS CBN "Kahit isang saglit" Starring Our very own super hot Jericho Rosales and Malaysian Actress Carmen Soo. I know this is corny, pero wala na akong magagawa bumabalik nanaman ang pagka-adik ko sa mga primetime bida! Apir tayo jan mga kapamilya! :) Kakapanood ko lang ng first episode kanina talaga namang napaka-ganda, lalo na ang mga views sa malaysia. Infairness magaling yun batang Garie ha. and OH-EM-GEE Jericho Rosales is sooo HOT and good looking rawr. They both look good! I have nothing more to say but please watch this teleserye! :) For those who has no TFC subscription, you can still watch it on some websites who has ABS-CBN live streaming.

Good night and till my next. uh, update.

Pilipinas - Revelations

I have been reminiscing these past few days, I realized I was a pain in the ass back then. Very different of what I am right now. I did so many stupid things that I can't possibly imagine. I'm thinking this post may not make any sense at all, but I thought maybe it's good to sometimes let it all out in one go, maybe with revealing some things it might make me feel better.
Here it goes:

  • My first cut class was on my graders. =) I was in grade 3. One of my stupid classmate said "merlin" (A wizard who has the capacity to give powers) exists and that she knows someone who could give us instructions on where to find "merlin" because I am stupid enough to believe her, I recruited my friends and said if we find "merlin" we will have super powers so that we could cut classes more. It's like a power that we could be in one place at the same time. Something like that. So that day, off we go to the forest (niyugan) Guess what? We end up playing with only our half slip on in the river (ilog)! We were in the middle of nowhere, starting to get dark and I realized my left shoe was missing and little did I know it went floating along with the river. So I went home with my half slip dripping underneath my uniform and with only 1 shoe on. Out of guilt, since I was still a kid then I told my mum I had to cut class because my classmate had an epilepsy attack during our lunch break and we had to take care of her and stay at her home for the rest of the afternoon. We all agreed to tell the same story in case our teachers asked and it was a success story, they all believed us and even thanked us for taking care of our classmate! :) I don't know but my friends said I do very well in reasoning out and get away with things easily like nothing happened. Oh well, I guess I'm talented. =)
  • High school was the best. I was popular at school I must say, I had lotsa friends, I can get along easily with almost every group. From hot chicks to geeks to totally invisible people (you know what I mean) but I mostly hang out with guys, its more fun. I'm not a bully but my first visit in the principal's office was when I bullied a new classmate. She was acting bitchy and miss know-it-all first day of school so I had to teach her a lesson. But then she knew my friends and I are ganging up on her so she went straight to the principal's office. That bitch. haha - We became friends after a few months. :D She did learn a lesson though good for her, and that is to stick with the right people. LIKE ME. :D
  • I started to drink alcohol on my first year in secondary level - My friends and I had a sleep over and bought a few bottles of Tequila and crisps. I don't remember how we managed to buy it as we were still kids. I think one of my friends teenage cousin helped us out. Anyway I'm the one who had a lot to drink but I was the one who never get drunk. Its a pain in the ass to be one left that is not drunk, not only I had to take care of my friends, it's absolutely disgusting to see them vomit and act weird while the alcohol is taking over their innocent minds. My innocent eyes had to see all the wildness. But I was kind of amused, all my drunken friends were speaking English saying senseless things like, "ugh, Roxanne! the bid is a wit!" "shut up! ssshH! Mrs. Paulino is coming" "Come here grr I want to rape you" (dear god) "I hate you, you fucking bitch get out of my way!" Those are few of the lines I remember, it could be worse. haha Just imagine, 5-6 12 yr old kids all drunk. Damn. I'm ashamed of myself. But it was FUN, we all laughed at ourselves the next morning while being tortured by a massive hang over.
  • I came across my old diary a couple of days ago and saw an entry that made me laugh my ass off. This was during my 3rd year in secondary level.

so here it goes: (Tagalog)

August 6, 2004
This week was hecka gulo (chaos)! summon ako sa school kasi nagdrawing ako ng xxx sa magazine ni bea. eh nakita ni sir erwin eh malay ko ba naman na magbabasa ng magazine si sir erwin sa kagitnaan ng klase? And dapat tinago na ni bea yun! ayun sabi pervert daw ako. nakakahiya daw ako kababae ko pa naman daw na tao. It was just for fun! But seriously, I don't know what has gotten to me that day. But it wasnt that bad though! dumdum lang naman at boobs ang dinrawing ko exage naman yang mga yan. hmp. So tomorrow I have to do some work in our school library for my punishment. Tapos hindi lang yun, they said I needed to see our guidance counselor cause they think my disturbing acts has somehing to do with my personal issues at home. DUH! Im not a disturbed child! Shit. I hate this. Then sabi ni sir erwin ipapatawag daw ang nanay ko. pakingshet! nakakahiya. oh my god. Ano nalang ang sasabihin ko kay mommy? ano nalang ang iisipin nya na ang anak nya ay puro kabastusan ang nasa isip?!?! siyet. ayaw ko na pumasok!!!!!

It was really my fault though I admit, I shouldn't have done that, but as Ive said, it was only for fun. Everyone was laughing after I came back from my punishment. Damn I was so embarassed I didn't go to school the next day. As for my mum, she never knew. I asked my cousin to come to school and say my mum was away for a holiday.
  • For guys, probably one of their unforgettable experience was when they had a circumcision. I know, 70% of the guys in the world are not circumcised, but whether they've done it or not it will be an unforgettable event in a guy's life. On my part or on every girls part I could say one of my unforgettable moments when I reached my teen years was when I had my first period. haha ok too much info, but I'm just trying to lighten up the mood here --I don't know why my mum went gaga over the news, she actually went outside to one of our neighbors blurting out quote; "Ang anak ko! may regla na! jusco dalaga na si Roxanne! kailangan kong pumunta ng bayan para makabili ng pasador!!! . :D I guess all mums had the same reactions. I just can't see the logic why mothers are happy when they should be scared that their daughters could get pregnant anytime now that they have menstruation. Ok so enough said, I was just sharing. :D
  • I remember I was rebellious once, I smoked cigarettes, go home very late at night, sex and alcohol was involved. My friends having sex NOT ME. And I emphasize on that, geez I was just like 13 or 14 I'd be carrying a kid by now if I wasn't smart enough that time. Like any other rebellious teenager, I nearly got expelled from school, I had to do community service, blah blah I didn't really care about what people would think of me, hell I didn't care about what my family would think. I was a total pain in the ass. Black sheep is what they call me, but I didn't mind. I guess everyone goes through that stage. My mum had to buy medicine for her high blood pressure whenever she worries sick of me. I almost joined a sorority, Good thing it didn't pushed through. I literally stopped smoking. I didn't really like smoking, I just thought I'd look cool if I did.
  • For me, money was a big issue, being a student with just limited allowance, it sucks! So, I pawned my mobile phone just to have money for my so called "pang aliw" (For entertainment). It was crazy. My mum saw the receipt in my bag one morning, banged my door like a thunderstorm and woke me up by poking my bum with a coat hanger. 5am in the morning she was shouting, "What are you going to pawn next? your soul?!?!" then she hits me continuously with a coat hanger until she sees my hands and arms are red and little red blood spots coming out. after a long monologue and torture session with my mum, she asked once again, "why do you need money?!?!?" I said looking stiff; "wala akong pang aliw!!!!!!" (I don't have enough money for entertainment!) end of story. That is how I was before, insensitive, didn't really care about the world, all I cared about was how I'd make myself happy and I am not proud of it.
  • Cars + Boys = What a perfect combination. I remember my friend and her boyfriend used to pick me up and sneak out in the middle of the night to watch illegal drag racing. Not only I enjoy on betting (I actually win sometimes), I also enjoy the fact that oh-em-gee there are a lot of cute guys I could hook up with. OK I'm not a slut I just enjoy meeting new people. I also enjoy pigging out on breakfast with my friends after a long night of racing and socializing and being half asleep in the car while on the way home trying to remember the last conversations I had with guys I met, God what I'd do to go back to those days. *kilig moments*
  • Do you still remember your first kiss? I can still remember my first kiss very well. It was with my best friend. It wasn't just a smack, it was a tongue twisting torrid kiss. We were hanging out at a friends house and we were talking about sex and kissing and first times you know that sort of things, then my friend started this "DARE game" and dared me to kiss my best friend. So I did it and they all felt guilty when I said it was my first kiss. I must admit, I liked it and it was really good. hehehe :D
  • And lastly, Love life. Falling in love was the best thing that happened to me while my stay in the Philippines. But every single one of them ends up leaving me. We're cool at first and then things get serious then before I know it, they're avoiding me without knowing the real reason. I don't know if the problem is with me or I am just dumb when it comes to relationships. I never had a serious relationship ever. I was scared of commitments. The truth is, I don't really know what a serious relationship means until now.

Back to reality --
3 years ago, when I said "I will never come back here EVER." Well, I kind of just got carried away. I take it back. I had issues left behind. But I think it's about time to bury it somewhere and start anew. It's been a long time since I went back home. I miss my boylets, my friends, best friends, schoolmates, cousins, aunts, uncles, I basically miss everyone. I miss the places I've been to, the usual things I do with my friends and a lot more. I was really different from what I am right now and I'm kind of getting sick and tired of being a loner. But I have no choice. My friends here are either busy at work or busy with their family. So I guess I'm hopeless. Here in HK at least. People here are, oh well, like me. Live, eat, do things alone, independent, lame, freak. This is what I become, from a fun, bubbly & always-on-the-go girl to a boring, melodramatic, workaholic, "I-hate-the-world" kind of girl. Full of hatred and fear. On the other hand - despite all these, I can say I am strong and learned to hold back my feelings. I feel I've changed, but I don't know if I changed for the better or for the worse. I can't really tell and it's starting to scare me. I am definitely 100% sure I am not saying all these because I have my heart broken. It's not always about him. This is about me --How I make simple things complicated and wind up getting myself confused and lost.

"I am happy with my job, I'm happy being alone, but its been a long time since I felt happy with my life in general" -Roxy